The Trials of a Tubist
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| Thursday, June 30th, 2005 | | 9:48 pm |
A Random Update
I'm pretty sure no one reads this thing anymore, but that's okay because every once in a while there's something on my chest that I just have to get out. Now is not one of those times. I just felt like I should write something because I've been a lazy bastard lately.
I can't tell you people how much I'm anticipating the arrival of the fall. It means the arrival of something. That's definitely more than I can say right now. I'm working for a bunch of good ol' boys at a factory in Iowa City. While I can't say that I'm surprised that things there work a certain way, I can make the claim that I'm disappointed.
You see, I am confused by something. I was always told that the working class is noble. The working class are American heroes and all of that stuff. It's something a Democrat will tell you at the drop of a hat. And then they will ask for that American hero's paycheck, and redistribute it to a 19-year-old girl with four kids with no job or husband. Anyway, that was mean-spirited. I didn't mean to attack Democrats. At least not this time, anyway.
There are a group of contracted workers at Procter and Gamble who do the menial tasks that they don't want to pay P&G employees 16.00 an hour to do. They can get away with hiring labor at half that. Makes sense, right? Well, sure. The problem is that these people are in fact human. Let me make this point right now. I say that because this seems to be something completely overlooked by the fine blue-collar working gentlemen and ladies of the shampoo foundry. It gets pretty old pretty quickly.
Also, let me say that as a summer employee, my status is barely higher than theirs. I make about 1.00 an hour more than they do, and get just about the same treatment. It's not that they're mean to me, it's just they like to pretend sometimes that there isn't a 21-year-old college boy working his ass off in the back of a packing line. It gets pretty lonely back there because nobody ever once has asked me "How's it going?" Other than the other two summer hires, that is.
What gives? I couldn't possibly tell you. All I know is that I'm starting to learn that people love playing their status over another person. It doesn't matter how marginal that difference is. Procter and Gamble is all about giving employees certification in things, and I can tell you that this is a good idea. It makes people work harder for the ability to say, "Yes, I can do this, and you probably cannot. So just sit in the back and try to make friends with the contract employees."
The contracted employees are good people, but I wonder often times if anyone knows that. There is a guy who works first shift (6:00 a.m.-2:00) who is friendly, and works really hard. Sadly, I don't know his name. I guess that makes me no better than the people I'm accusing. But for what it's worth, nobody there really knows my name except the team leader, and a guy who calls me "Mike." I guess I have to give that guy credit for at least making an attempt.
I'm getting pretty folorn now. I'm desperately lonely down here in West Liberty. All my friends have moved on. My friends that I have at UNI are still there, if they haven't gone home. Sometimes I envy those people who have friends who keep returning to the town they grew up in. My friends didn't get that memo. I must admit that I got rid of it too when I got it. I didn't care about this town, and I pretty much still don't. What I miss is the human contact.
The only contact I have with other humans down here is my family, and I have come to the conclusion that they pretty much don't get me at all. My mom is the only one I really see eye to eye with. The other three make every attempt they can to point out how educated I think I am. That is total bullshit, for the record. I know stuff, but that doesn't make me better than anyone else. Yet, I find myself paying for my education every once in a while by people who are completely insecure with their lot in life. They will refer to how "snide" I am every once in a while, which I always take as an attack on my character. It sucks to have to proverbially chew snuff and scratch my ass just so people I know will still like me and not accuse me of elitism. I am a blue-collar guy, but I just happen to use the word "irony" correctly. I'm going to be a teacher, for God's sake. I will never be able to claim myself a part of any elite. Unless you're referring to the teacher's union, which I'm pretty sure is not elitist either. Oh well. I guess Cedar Falls is truly my home now. I kind of always suspected that.
Boy, this really sucks ass. | | Tuesday, June 7th, 2005 | | 5:47 pm |
Things I'd Like People to Learn
For fear of sounding existentialist (which is never a good thing), everything is the same no matter how you look at it. I guess this means only one thing: it's all drugs to me. I know a ton of people who scoff at the potheads at any given party and then proceed to drink underage until they pass out and have to inconvience someone to haul their drunk ass back to their place of residence. What is it with you people? If we are going to be truly honest with ourselves, we have to start looking at things from an all-inclusive perspective. There are very few instances where there are exceptions to the rule. Everyone is black. Everyone is white. I am Mexican, I am Irish, and I am Scottish. But I am human. One thing I've learned, though, is that there is the biggest all-inclusive of all: everyone has the capacity to be a complete and total asshole at any time of the day.
I am a Libertarian. I am not a fucking novelty. I don't proclaim myself a Libertarian to amuse you people. I do that enough already. I do this because it is what I believe, and it is something I believe to the very core of my existence. When I tell people that I am a Libertarian, I get two reactions usually:
- (geniunely surprised) "Oh really? Wow!"
- "What's that?"
I need to clear something up: most people have a pretty good idea of what a Libertarian is, but they all have trouble believing that someone actually supports that ideal. I will not sell my soul to the Democratic party, no matter how much I think Bush is incapable of leading this country. Kerry was about 1.3 times worse, if you want my honest opinion. The only thing I can do is be true to what I believe in, and all of you can get on all-fours and munch away if you think otherwise. Politics is not strategy. Is the welfare of the people, who deserve what's best for them.
I can't tell you how many times I've gotten a real "Oh he's one of those guys" type of look from people when they find out my affiliation. Fuck you, bonehead. Nothing offends me more than a person who believes that they have to streamline their ideals to fit into a Democratic or Republican ticket. Did you know that the Democratic Party hasn't kept a member registry since the 1950's? Does that sound like the Party of the People? They don't even know which fucking people are in their goddamned party. The Republicans are no better, don't get me wrong. Both want the same thing: a big government to smooth over all of life's troubles. If someone else takes care of it, I don't have to, they think. I wasn't aware that people's sympathies were so easily compromised, but then again I've learned something: if you're pessimistic about the human race, you are very rarely dissapointed.
Never, EVER give up on what you believe. I know I just sounded like a Saturday morning cartoon there, but it's the God-honest truth: never change yourself. If you are a glorious dickhead, be a glorious dickhead. Constants are the only thing that make your life stable. If you are constantly changing your identity, then you will forever live in the annals of ambiguity. Another thing: sooner or later, you will find a person or people who appreciate you for who you are. I know, I didn't belive it either until it happened to me. This goes for everyone except pedophiles and serial killers: never change your values, they make you who you are.
There. Now someone pass the snickerdoodles. | | Thursday, May 26th, 2005 | | 8:13 pm |
Danica Patrick: NOT the Answer
 For those of you who are unlike me and actually spend your time trying to do something useful like being the International Spelling Bee Champion, you probably have no idea who Danica Patrick is. I'll help you out so you don't have to go search for her on the internet, because I want to you know what you're talking about without actually having to execute the effort in which to do so. Danica Patrick is running in the Indianapolis 500 this weekend. I don't really follow racing that much. Like the rest of the country north of the Mason-Dixon Line, I don't really follow racing that much. That's where my similarities with everyone else and racing end, however, because I can guarantee you one thing: I will not be rooting for Danica Patrick. Part of me honestly hopes her engine blows up on lap 102, and she can't race. Why? Every guy in the country will be rooting for Danica Patrick because she has entered racing's annals as "The Hot Chick at Indy." Nothing more, nothing less. Never mind the enormous amount of skill she has on the track. She's just the hot chick. That's it. Women will be rooting for her because she's a woman, and... well, forget it. Women don't give a flying rat's ass about racing, so their pretty much out of the question, at least until she wins and women are prancing around going "BOOYA!" or something like that. Really quick: women, that's not a big deal. Men have won the last 89 Indy 500's. We're kind of over that shock. You'll find that you don't get a big fat paycheck for women doing stuff that they haven't done before.
 I've probably talked about this before, but I'm going to take time out to talk about the U.S. Women's Soccer Team. There is a serious amount of bullshit in play here, and I'm about to call "shenanigans" on it for a couple of reasons.
The Women's Soccer Team Kicks Ass. But no one really cares. The U.S. Women's Soccer Team was an inspiration to every woman everywhere... except for the U.S. Women's Soccer Team. Why? They don't really give a shit what you think about their womanhood and how it rocks that they have vaginas AND they play soccer. They have been playing soccer their entire lives and you people didn't even notice until they won something.
Mia Hamm is hot. But no one really cares... anymore. For a while Mia Hamm, who could probably play on the same soccer field as the Glasgow Rangers and do well for herself because she is THAT GOOD, was on every advertisement having to do with women. Then she disappeared because we found someone else to heap praise on. I still think Mia Hamm is way hot. She is somehow hotter because she is probably the best soccer player on either of our national teams, and that includes our sad, sorry excuse for a men's team. But you all don't give a shit because we have moved on. You morons.
Anyway, you get the idea. Danica Patrick is the focus here, so I'll bring it back to her. Basically, there is a growing camp of people who believe that the IRL should basically call of the race and give Danica Patrick the Indy 500. Not before they spraypaint the trophy hot pink and attach boobie tassels to the bottom of course, because under Jason Whitlock's terms she would have to win it by doing a seductive whore dance for him and his business-suit wearing sports-reporter types who enjoy it when women try to do things that men do. He believes that her winning is not only desirable, it is completely fucking necessary for the IRL to continue. Jesus H. Christ, Whitlock... could try to stop this creepy boob-worshipping complex you have? Jason Whitlock is about five seconds away from going to Danica Patrick's house and hold a boombox outside her window playing Peter Gabriel. The problem is not that he's a big fan of Danica Patrick winning the Indy 500. I think if she wins, more power to her. The issue that I have to take up is that people completely lose their heads when women try to do things that men do. Why are we patronizing this woman for a) being a woman and b) being a hot woman? If Danica Patrick looked like Dale Earnhardt with boobs, people would not be causing any uproar whatsoever. That's the demeaning part. This isn't about women's triumph on men's playing fields, this about Danica Patrick's shapely female body. Jason Whitlock and all the others ought to be ashamed of themselves for acting like 12-year-olds with pimples and hard-ons. This is why women have a long way to go before they are on a level playing field with men in the area of sports. Because we will congratulate only the hot ones. Fuck you, Jason Whitlock. Fuck you all to hell.
I propose this challenge to men everywhere: go watch more pornography. Your sexual tension and self-denial will no longer cloud your ability to watch sports. I think John Hartson is a terrific soccer player. I think Ben Jacobsen is UNI's promised one. I don't want to fuck either of them, and it therefore keeps my thoughts clear. I can root for my sports teams and athletes uninhibited and free of bullshit adolescent fantasies. Keep that in mind when the announcers at the Indy 500 go on and on and on and on and on about Danica Patrick. I hope you don't have any other favorite driver, because he will not be on your television screen until he wrecks and takes out five other douchebags with him. In the meantime, I will be trying to convince my girlfriend to make out with me so I can watch the United States-England friendly soccer match without a hard-on.
 "Mind your thoughts, young sportswriter. They betray you."
| | Thursday, May 19th, 2005 | | 10:19 pm |
Whorekeyes
You know them... you've seen them. If you're at UNI, you probably know a couple of them. They are the ones who will go to the biannual UNI-Iowa basketball game in the Dome wearing Iowa gear, even though they go to UNI. They stay home from UNI football games every Saturday to watch Iowa play Indiana (?). They have more black and gold in their closets than any Hawk fan I know of. They are:
WHORE-KEYES.
That's right, if you are a UNI student and dedicate your life to the Iowa Hawekeyes, then you are a Whorekeye. Why? Because you will forsake the University that is giving you an education and providing FREE entrance to all sporting events and will stay home to watch Iowa do whatever it is that they do. You openly and shamelessly root for Iowa when they come to UNI, and will even bear the insults of the true UNI fans around you who recognize your bitch-ass from their classes. In short, you will let the University of Iowa blow their nut all over your face, and then smear it around with their palms while you grin. You are a whore. A stinking whore.
It's about time I started kissing you people on the mouth.* I've been going to this school for four years (I'll probably be here for another ten), and I've grown to love UNI athletics with the same passion that burned once for the Iowa Hawkeyes. First things first, though. I need to make this very clear: I still follow Iowa football. I love Iowa football. But there is no way in HELL it ever surpasses anything that UNI does. I will not forsake my university. I have started bleeding purple and gold. I say this without shame: I have cried in with other Panther fans in both joy and in agony. I remember the 2004 MVC Championship, and it is something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. I stormed the court after the Cats beat SMS in double overtime hugging anyone and everyone that came within my perimeter. It was a big perimeter too. I got misty as I watched UNI's hopes of advancing against hated Wisconsin (hey, Hawk habits die hard.. FUCK the Badgers) dwindle in the final seconds. They never quit, and neither did I. It sucked watching them lose. It really did.
It mostly sucked because a win over Wisconsin would shut up everyone in the state of Iowa who thinks we are trash. Most Hawk fans do. Most of them however, are nice enough to give credit where credit is due. After UNI nearly beat Iowa at Carver this year Hawk fans responded with "You guys are tough, you have arrived." Others whined about how they could barely even beat UNI, and they said it with enough disdain to make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I hate those people. But they're even here at UNI.
The tides are turning, however. The rallying cry "Panther Pride!" is sometimes heard around campus from students. They are taking an active interest not only in their own school, but they are putting down the Whorekeyes upon sight. I was walking from the library one evening behind this guy decked out in black and gold. It was shameful. He was wearing a Hawk basketball jersey, black and gold warmup pants and a black hat with "I" inscribed on it. I rolled my eyes, but felt a lot better when he walked past two guys standing next to the union.
"Hawks suck!" one of them yelled after him. The other guy snickered. I smiled and gave them a nod. It was great. Not because I believe that the Hawks suck, but because I believe that sometimes you just have to pay the price for wearing the colors of what has turned into a rival school. I have an Iowa Baseball hoodie I wear a lot when it's cold. I wouldn't get mad if someone gave me a hard time over wearing it... I probably should expect it if our university really understood how to root for their school. But we don't. There's hope, but we don't have a fucking clue who we are, who's in our conference and who our rival schools are.
Wanna point fingers at me? Okay...
Our conference: Missouri Valley Conference (Gateway Conference in football, which essentially the Valley for football). We are affectionately referred to as "The Valley" by those who know, and were rated as the No. 7 conference in basketball this last season. That's ahead of Conference USA and the A-10 for those of you who need persective. For those who need further perspective, C-USA holds Louisville (although not anymore) and DePaul (also not anymore) and Memphis (they're still there), and the A-10 has St. Joseph's and Temple. Boo-yah bitches.
Rivals: Basketball: Iowa, Iowa State (naturally), but also Creighton and Southern Illinois. Football: Western Illinois (fuck the 'Necks) and Southern Illinois.
So there you have it. I'll sign off with this anecdote from my uncle. After Northern Iowa and Iowa were both going to the NCAA Basketball tournament this year, my parents immediately entertained the notion of going to see the Hawkeyes play Cincinnati in Indianapolis. UNI would be playing Wisconsin in Oklahoma City. My uncle had this to say when he found that out:
"I told them that I couldn't believe they were thinking about doing that. Who the fuck would want to watch those clowns play in Indianapolis, where they'd get shitty seats in a shitty arena that they paid way too much for. Your fucking son is going to Oklahoma City and plays in the BAND. Why on earth would you not go there?"
*This is a reference to "Pretty Woman." 10 bucks to those who knew that, and another 10 bucks if you don't question how I knew that this reference was from "Pretty Woman." | | Wednesday, April 27th, 2005 | | 12:31 pm |
The "Rant That No One Cares About" of the Year.
I take that back: Katherine might because her beloved Hawkeyes are going to be making a charge at unlikely national championship bid in 2005. First they have to get by one of 1-AA's most hyped teams coming into next year, the Northern Iowa Panthers. Hey, a guy can dream, right?
Anyway, this rant is about the BCS, known in some circles as the Bowl Championship Series, but known to fans across the nation as the Bullshit Championship Series. Why? Since the program's inception to create a 1 vs. 2 championship game in 1998, there has been some team left feeling screwed, and usually rightfully so. Let's take a look at some of the biggest screw jobs:
2001: Miami makes fools of a highly undeserving Nebraska Cornhuskers team, beating them 37-14 in a game that gets out of hand from the very get-go. Nebraska got in despite losing to Colorado in their regular season finale, and following Colorado's unlikely upset of Oklahoma, this sends the BCS into a tailspin. Oregon suffers an unfortunate upset late in the year, and therefore is screwed out of the national title game because they aren't the fucking Nebraska Cornhuskers. Oregon goes on to win their game, 38-16. But they're not Nebraska.
2003: Oh, this one was a classic. USC, ranked first in both polls at the time of bowl pairings, is relegated to third place, giving the spot in the national title game to Oklahoma, who had just come off a shellacking at the hands of the Kansas State Wildcats in the Big XII title game. Inexplicably, this doesn't faze the BCS, who pick them anyway, because they are Oklahoma after all. Not surprisingly, LSU, Oklahoma's opponent in the title game, embarrasses an Oklahoma team that takes the field looking like Antonio Montana at the end of Scarface. USC wins their game handily. What to do? The associated press makes the right call and crowns USC their national champion. The BCS, leaving the 2003 season with egg on their faces, has to crown LSU, causing a split national title.
Oh, and although it's not as bad as the 2003 season, Oklahoma somehow finds their way back into the national title game in 2004, and gets lambasted by USC, 55-19. No, that's not a typo. They lost 55-19. Sound like a national champion candidate to you? I didn't think so. Meanwhile, Auburn at 12-0 won their game over Virginia Tech in unceremonious fashion, 16-13. The worst part is that Utah, a non-BCS school (perish the thought!) gave the BCS no choice but to allow them into the BCS, making them the first non-power conference team to do so. They get paired with the patsy of the East, the Pitt Panthers, who roll over and die for Utah, 35-7. Utah was paired with a team that went 7-4 in the regular season to get into the BCS on a technicality? This one left fans feeling blueballed like no other. The 2004 Utah Utes might be the most unproven and discriminated against team in the history of college football. Absolutely shameful.
Sentiment against this farce of a system is on the rise, no doubt. It all came to a head with the Associated Press pulled out of the BCS following the disastrous 2004 BCS pairings. This left the BCS with several options:
- Scrap the current system entirely, create an 8-team playoff that determines the national champion. Yeah, right.
- Replace the AP poll with a fan poll, giving football fans a chance to let their voices be heard.
- Do what everyone expects: find a way to blow their load all over college football fans everywhere like they are cheap whores, and then stick dollar bills onto their semen-covered foreheads.
You'll never guess which one they picked. Well, maybe you did. They continued the three-tier system (Coaches Poll, Computer Poll, and new poll), with the new poll being ex-coaches, ex-administrators, and possibly other people who are completely misguided. Here's the kicker though: according to ESPN's Page 2 website:
"The BCS honcho said they would use a 'code of ethics,' which includes mandating that voters actually watch games and not have colleagues fill out their ballots for them."
Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Come again? We have been choosing a national championship pairing since 1998 by using a group of people who don't even watch the fucking GAMES? While this explains why teams like Nebraska and Oklahoma got into the title games without really deserving it, this leaves a glaring truth to face:
The Iowa Hawkeyes will never, EVER reach the national title game under this system. Not in a million years.
The same goes for the Utah Utes, the Boise State Broncos, the Oregon Ducks if they ever pull their heads out their asses, the Washington Huskies or any other team that doesn't have a winning tradition, but by all means deserves a chance. Everyone has already gunned the Hawks down. They are from a small, piddly-ass state in the Midwest even though they have a Top-10 caliber program with some of the most rabid football fans in the nation. The Utah Utes are a stacked team as well, but will get mired in the muck because they are from a non-BCS conference, and are from Utah, which is not in the east. And don't even get me started on former 1-AA crown jewel Boise State. They're totally fucked.
People, there's a reason why the Northern Iowa Panthers were picked to go the tournament this year despite the cries of ESPN and the like: they deserved to go. In that particular instance, though, that was the NCAA itself deciding who would play in its national championship tournament. If it were a BCS-type system, here's a sampling of what one of the regions would look like:
1-Duke
16-Notre Dame
8-Iowa State
9-Nebraska (even though they suck at basketball, people have heard of them)
4-Duke again (Becuase everyone deserves a second chance...)
13-Southern Illinois (this is the committe trying to give the impression that they did any research whatsoever)
5-Michigan (they were good once, right?)
12-Duke (you just can't be sure)
But that's just a hypothetical. The BCS is a terrible and corrupted system that often times gives the impression that the selection committee is little more than a bunch of 12-year-olds wearing Miami Hurricanes jersies and getting mustard on their boy boobies while they talk ghetto. Do yourselves a favor, 1-A: adopt the 1-AA system (even though you all think we are the scum of the earth, and don't lie)... have a playoff. It can even be only 8 teams, even though we have 16. Don't give me this "academics" crap... "They won't have tiiiiime to study" the big-money honchos often cry. Listen, Happy: you don't give a shit whether Tyrus the running back graduates or not, don't give me that bullshit. And as a member of the marching band at a school that uses a playoff system I can tell you this: we do it every single year. We graduate. If you have any kind of playoff system, you have a much better chance of pleasing people because you aren't doing anything but giving those teams a chance. And that's all we want as football fans. That's all we want.
 Iowa Hawkeyes: Screwed by the BCS national championship in 2005!
| | Tuesday, April 26th, 2005 | | 1:36 pm |
| | 10:48 am |
There's Nothing Left to Say
 This guy is a really good argument as to why there is little hope for politics. What's worse is that he dressed like a complete jackhole at the Republican National Convention. Look pal, I'm not sure if anyone told you the basic principles of marketing, but if you're going to dress like an idiot to get the word out on the Republican party, you probably shouldn't do it at the Republican Party's Convention!! Then again, I can't help but think that if he were to go out into public dressed like that, he'd get mauled violently by a bunch of anti-war Democrats in the ultimate gruesome display of irony.
Don't scoff, liberals. You have this guy:
 There are few people who play the politics of guilt and shame like Michael Moore, who is ironically, a fat socialist with a lot of money. That's kind of like a white supremacist who married a Mexican: I guess in theory it could happen, but it just doesn't make any sense. Michael Moore spends all of his time telling you what you're doing wrong, and how he, kind of like Jesus, can show you the way. Listen Moore, I know Jesus. And one thing Jesus has learned over the course of 2005 years is this: keep your damned mouth shut until it's your turn to talk. People talk to Jesus all the time, asking him to watch over them and asking Him for guidance. As far as I know, the only thing people ask you for is the route to the nearest IHOP, since we can all assume that you know where that is in any given town in America.
This brings me to my point. Whether it be fat idiots with elephants on their heads, or a big fat slob who ate an entire elephant, you all need to stop and grant me this small favor: think for yourselves for a change. I can also tell you this: you will never be able to do this as a member of the Democratic or Republican parties. Why, you ask? I give you exhibit A:
And exhibit B.
Like it or not, these people represent you and your party. They also voted... in theory. Isn't THAT a scary thought? Look, I think Bush is a complete simpleton who would be better off running my gun club than running an entire nation, but who was your alternative? A liberal who believes that you giving money to the government will help you in case you become poor? Not if you're white, you're not. Don't even think about it. Look, John Kerry is constantly at odds with himself because he's a man with socialist ideals, yet he married a billionaire ketchup tycoon's daughter. Does this make any sense to the rest of you?
Yeah, I know... what about you, Marc? Yeah, I voted for a criminal. What of it? At least I didn't vote for a party that has this guy:
or especially this guy.
There. Now let the petty-ass mudslinging among idiot pseudo-hippy X-Box-playing liberals ensue between the butt-blind 1950's-craving simpletons of the Republican party. GO! | | Monday, April 25th, 2005 | | 1:40 pm |
| | Monday, April 18th, 2005 | | 9:21 am |
OH CRAP! I Forgot to Mention...
I am now a member of Phi Mu Alpha. Jeez, how could I forget that? Get ready, world of pretentious music blowhards... here comes:
Kappa/Phi Mu Man!!!! | | 9:13 am |
He Grudgingly Updates
I suppose if I were getting paid to update this journal, I would do it more often. Since I'm not, I guess you and I both will have to be satisfied with mediocrity. Anyways, there's not a whole lot going on in my life that most of you don't already know about. I've been cleaning house on my exams and papers lately (A on my Analysis, Dr. Chesnutt said that my book report was "Excellent"), which is good. Maybe I'm just smart enough to get out of this school before the year 2015. But probably not.
The Facebook as completely overrun my life now. Tom Boley put it best: "I don't get why I spend so much time on it, but I do." Really, there's no useful purpose for it, but hey, since when does something have to be useful to be worthwhile? My time is spent trying to find friends at other universities because I'm cool like that. That, and collecting all members of the Griffin family. Look at my profile, you'll understand what I mean.
I guess that's all for now. Igor Stravinsky rules. Current Mood:  anxious | | Thursday, April 7th, 2005 | | 10:41 am |
Oh, and here...
I just decided to create a quiz. Post your results on your own journal! I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. | | 9:45 am |
Me In A Porn Film
So I decided after much deliberation with myself that I am but a man. I know, I know... it shocked me too. The bottom line is this: I have many vices, and if I were a god on earth, I probably wouldn't have so many. I do, so I have to come to terms with my mortality. You know what though? Living to be 1,400 years old until someone accidentally cuts off my head probably isn't all it's cracked up to be. I think I'll just enjoy living to be 41 years old and then dying of some rare form of earwig that eats a hole in my brain, making me recite the Greek alphabet backwards before I die in a pool of my own urine. Stupid earwigs anyway.
There's really no point to this unbridled raving performed by a madman lunatic. I guess that after I almost made my girlfriend cry yesterday because I smoked a cigar (it's icky, but hey... nobody's perfect. If you think so, I request you wear tinfoil so we know who you are), I came to the conclusion that I have way too many guilty pleasures. I smoke cigars on occaision, I drink gin because it tastes yummy, and I once masturbated to anime. Okay, that last one's a lie, but I'm saying that I have a long life ahead of me and there is still much I have yet to randomly decide would be a good idea... like masturbating to Japanese cartoons. I'm saying that everyone does something that they shouldn't, and it's not right to judge others because of it.
I know people who discourage others from smoking pot. Then they go out with their bottle of vodka and throw their arms around me and slur something about how I'm their pal. Let me tell you something that may shock you: I don't really like that very much. I'm glad you like me, but try not to leave red welts on my back from when you slapped me too hard on it. I also have more bad news: potheads wouldn't do what you just did, you fucking lush. They're sitting in the corner debating one or more of the following topics
- Were Shaggy and Scooby really stoners?
- What if this were, like, really all there is to life? Shouldn't we be doing more for ourselves and others?
- Look at the stars, man. Wow. (Yes, they will debate a declarative suggestion)
- Is Bush really evil? Or is he a robot?
- Isn't _________ a weird word? Check it out... *proceeds to say strange word repeatedly*
And so on. They talk about other stuff, but only briefly before happily falling asleep. Never once did they accidentally molest me. You have your vices, and they have theirs. I sometimes watch pornography. Am I a headon? Maybe, but I guarantee you that me watching porno is probably no worse than you having sex with your predisposed girlfriend and accidentally getting your girlfriend pregnant. While I laugh with delicious ironic undertones, your parents, who have been staunch pro-lifists their entire lives suggest you get an abortion. They preached the sanctity of life to you until they tell you now: "You're keeping the baby? You're ruining your life!" Then I discreetly pop in David Cop-A-Feel, and secretly feel sorry for you and your situation. That's life, I guess.
Yes, I am by no means perfect. I would like to think that I am not defined by what it is that I do, but rather how I act before others and the things that I can do as a good person, which I know that I am, event though I have 1)drank until I puked, 2)watched some really nasty pornography where this "vampire" guy spits on this girl's chest (I didn't find that the slightest bit hot, I'll have you know. It was more confusing than anything), and 3)smoked cigars many times. I've done some other stuff too, but I'm afraid that you people already think I'm the worst thing ever, even though I try to be a good human and help out when I can. That will go unnoticed, because you're still thinking about that spitting "vampire" guy. Admit it, you are.
So go ahead: hate gay people because some guy told you God said it was wrong.
 "OH STOP IT! I never said that. In fact, just quit talking to me all together, you hate-mongering insecure little sniveling pansies! Here's something you can tell everyone I said: 'BRING BACK PERFECT STRANGERS!' I loved that show."
Thanks, God. I'll get on that. Anyway, hate gay people, judge the guys smoking pot on the porch of the party, or hate Republicans because you are still convinced that Bush, with his 89 IQ, has the capacity to be a diabolical genius. If that makes you feel better, then go ahead. I guess my question for you is this: what the hell have you done that's so great that gives you the right to tell everyone else what they're doing wrong? Did you save a basket of kittens from drowing in a drainage pipe? Did you give a homeless guy a sandwich, or did you tell him to get a fucking job? No? Then quit giving me a headache. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go watch Conquest with Jenna Jameson.
"You know, Marcus, I wish you'd quit talking about pornography like that. I have those same desires too, but I don't share them openly with others. There are something that should remain a mystery. Like my insatiable lust for Balki. Oh dear, I've said too much. Carry on." Current Mood:  bored | | Monday, March 28th, 2005 | | 12:07 pm |
A Recap
So I had my interview with Dr. Chesnutt for leadership in the fall. I know, I know... why do I keep coming back for more? I don't know... just my thing, I guess. Anyway, he told me something that I probably needed to hear. He said that my efforts as the tuba section leader have yielded impressive results, and will probably be a reflection of my abilities as a band director someday. In other words: I could be the kind of guy who rebuilds band programs.
That would be sweet as hell. My biggest fantasies have always involved me taking over some dilapadated crap-ass band program somewhere, and turning it into something really special. That way, I can call it my very own. It would be built in my image, it would be something I and the entire community can be proud of. For Dr. Chesnutt to tell me that this is a likelihood of my future means quite a bit. Granted, I think him telling me all of this is a predecessor to the fact that I will not get the position as Field Conductor (which is what I really want to do next year), but at least I can take pride in what it is I have done, and what it is I can do in the future. I'm feeling pretty good right now.
I have spent hours on end playing "ESPN College Hoops 2K5" on Playstation 2. I am addicted to the game where you are a college basketball coach just starting out, and you have to start from the very beginning. Now, I got my first job in the game at Charleston Southern University. It's one of the worst teams on the game, but in only four "seasons," I had the program in the tournament. Two years later, I had CSU in the Sweet Sixteen before they got pasted (they are, after all, Charleston Southern). I moved onto Akron, another lackluster program on a slightly larger scale. Within two years, they were a regular tourney team. Rebuilding things is in my blood. Why? I think I just care too much. My roommates would laugh uproariously at me when I'd get mad when my players would mess up on the court, or when I'd get really excited when they won a big game. That basically transfers into my efforts in the PMB and me as a band director someday. The thing about that is, that's actually real. I love making things in my own image while at the same time trying to make something better. That's a testament to someone making a difference. I could spare myself my biggest fear: dying as an unknown. If I could do this, that would be impossible. Maybe that's why I want to be in music: I can help myself be better while making others' lives better all at the same time. Truly marvelous.
On an unrelated topic, I see that George W. Douche has opened Alaskan wildlife refuges for oil-drilling. I think this quote from The Onion basically sums up my feelings on that:
"If I may be allowed to pursue the idea of 'addiction to oil,' I think the nation just reached the point where we sold our wedding ring for one night's fix."
Ain't it the truth. Current Mood:  hopeful | | Thursday, March 24th, 2005 | | 6:43 am |
Missouri Valley Conference: A Review
The Missouri Valley is done playing basketball now, and the season can be summed up as follows: "Fuck it, we're going to IHOP." Yes, although The Valley plays some of the best basketball in the country, they are still dogged by ESPN (see also: the Disney Sports Network). Why? They aren't Duke, as Dick Vitale loves to point out. Other than that, The Valley had a marquee year, and a mediocre showing in the postseason. Here they are, the teams of The Valley and their seasons:
1. Southern Illinois (27-8, 15-3 MVC)
Southern Illinois makes me question my very belief structure at times. Their brand of pseudo-thugball is trying at times, but they kick asses when there are asses to be kicked. The only exceptions are as follows: Northern Iowa at the Dome, Oklahoma State. SIU has quickly become one of the MVC's marquee schools, and somehow manages to put together winning seasons year after year despite head coaches shamlessly springboarding on to big name schools with little to no future (hear me, Matt Painter? I give you three years at Purdue). Although gone is their golden boy Darren Brooks, SIU should be stacked to the hilt next year, which can only mean one thing: trying to be good enough to stop being awarded the Memorial Gonzaga Mid-Major Trophy, and have trophy named after them. It could be the SIU Award of Excellence In the Field of Succeeding Despite Your Coaches Being Dicks. Unfortunately, SIUAEIFSDYCBD is kind of a mouthful.
2.  Wichita State (22-10, 12-6 MVC)
Wichita State had another tragic case of Alzheimer's at the end of the regular season again. They forgot that they still had six games left to play with exactly six games left on the schedule. They dropped six of their last eight, including a mystifying 3-point buzzer beater loss to UNI to seal a bid in the tournament for the Panthers, while WSU just stands around on the court looking like they crapped themselves. They had a sweet run in the NIT, winning two before they lost to Vanderbilt in typical WSU fashion: they left one man wide open at his basket with 0.7 seconds left. They lost as the buzzer sounded. Someone needs to tell the Shockers of Wichita State that you have to play the WHOLE game.
3.  Creighton (23-11, 11-7 MVC)
Creighton waited until the very end of the year to decide they were ready to play legitimate basketball, and in the end, it wasn't enough. Creighton loves shooting the three, but one thing I've learned is that you always live and die by the three-pointer. Creighton made a magical run through the MVC tournament, winning it all and getting the auto-bid. I'm grateful for this opportunity, because without it, UNI would never have gotten the at-large. Creighton let themselves down yet again though, losing in the first round of the tournament to West Virginia, basically after the game was all but won for them. They shot those damned threes again, and lost on a WVU dunk. It seems so poetic. That's Creighton though: they still feel like getting to the tournament is like winning the national championship. This is why SIU is better than them, but don't tell anyone I said that.
4.  Northern Iowa (21-11, 11-7 MVC)
Northern Iowa has been experiencing modest success lately, and shame on anyone who takes that for granted. In the late 90's this team was abominable. The word "bad" was grossly inadequate. Since then, Greg McDermott has turned the program into something respectable. UNI is now at a point where they need to get over a hump. That hump: to make some friggin' noise in the NCAA. They were granted an opportunity by the NCAA when they received an unlikely at-large bid to the tournament, but pissed it away by losing to Wisconsin in the first round, 57-52. Next year all starters come back, but something tells me that unless they develop a more killer mentality, they will be content to just get another unlikely bid, and lose by five to another team that they woulda/coulda/shoulda beaten.
5.  Southwest Missouri State (19-13, 10-8 MVC)
I can't think of a coach that needs to be shown the door more than Barry Hinson of SMS. He has had impressive amounts of talent on his teams for quite a few years now, but always falls tragically short when it comes to playing the games. They started out the MVC 1-6. They blew a 12-point halftime lead to UNI in Springfield. Then they made a run in the MVC tournament (like they always do), and fell short when just when they could have gotten the bid (like they always do). Last year it was UNI in the MVC Championship. This year it was Creighton. Next year, who knows? But I do know this: SMS (next year they will assume their new name, Missouri State) will finish five games above .500, and get another well-deserved bid to the NIT when everyone knows damn well they could be dancing.
6.  Illinois State (17-13, 8-10 MVC)
Hey, Illinois State: wondering why you weren't in the postseason? The NIT took one look at ISU in a pressure situation and said "nah." They were tied for third with six games to go. They then pulled a Wichita State and let their feces fly, losing with reckless abandon, only to finish sixth... and ending up with a completely unjustifiable 8-10 conference mark. Granted, this team was picked last by most at the beginning of the year, but damn. You can't piss it all away like that. Illinois State should have been in the NIT this year. I would let it go this year, though because they probably were in a situation that they weren't used to. Next year, however... they'll have some 'splainin' to do.
7.  Drake (13-16, 7-11 MVC)
It's a sad state of affairs when a 13-16, 7-11 mark is exceeding expectations. Dr. Tom is good like that, I guess. Look, I love Dr. Tom Davis. He's a good man and runs a sparkly-clean program, recruting men of high character. It's just they aren't very good. Davis knows basketball, but all I can say is you try to get quality players to come to Drake's scary-ass campus. It's in the middle of a ghetto, and that is NOT an exaggeration. Can Drake be a winner? Possibly, but they will have to change their game plan before they do. I don't want to suggest they leave the MVC in lieu of more equal competition (they are a charter member), but they need to do something... and soon. Hiring Davis was the right idea, but it might take a little more than that. I'm stumped... I wouldn't know how to do it.
8.  Bradley (13-15, 6-12 MVC)
This private school from Peoria plays thugball in every sense of the word. And they suck to boot. Bradley's resources are high (they don't field a football team) yet the team's output is low. I blame Jim Les, their low-major coach. It's hard to set an example of character when you're crying to the refs about bad calls. Look, MVC refs are horrendous, this is true. That isn't the reason why your team is down by 18, Jim. This is Bradley basketball summed up: Marcellus Sommerville blasted John Little in the nose after being contained by J-Lit all game long when they played UNI. The refs saw, and kicked him out. Jim Les complained, Bradley lost.
9.  Evansville (11-17, 5-13 MVC)
I really wish this program were better than it was. Evansville is another school that employs high-character students, but they are struggling to compete in a conference that has national contention aspirations. It's been quite a while since Evansville's made a run at anything in the MVC. I don't think that you should say it can't be done, though. Steve Merfeld, their new coach, is the man to do it. His new system has Evansville playing fast-paced, high-shooting basketball. It's a headache to defend against, and Evansville is impossible to beat on a good shooting night. It's just that they don't have good shooters. If Merfeld gets some shooters, this team will be dangerous in a few years.
10.  Indiana State (11-21, 5-13 MVC)
The days of Larry Bird and the 1979 National Title run seem so far away. Only as far back as 2001 the Sycs were conference heavyweights... WHAT HAPPENED? I've never seen a program roll over and die like that before, and the worst part is there doesn't seem to be any improvement. Indiana State has the resources to be good in the MVC, I think it's just that like Clemson in the ACC, Northwestern in the Big Ten and Baylor in the Big XII... they suck. Sorry, Sycamores. | | Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005 | | 12:25 pm |
More Stupid Remakes
There's a really distrubing trend lately in movies. They all suck. Every last one of them. The problem is that people have become content in just going to a movie. They don't even give a damn if it's good or not. Oh, I know you think you want to see Sahara, or that inane new Vin Diesel flick. You don't. You just want to go to the movies. All I can say is look. Look at what you have done.
Sometimes it's in the form of a movie sequel that nobody really asked for in the first place. Immediately movies like Son of the Mask, Dumb and Dumberer (get it? It's INTENTIONALLY incorrect grammar! HAHA!), Miss Congeniality 2, and other trash heaps. Look people, I don't know who was crying out in the pouring rain for a sequel to The Mask starring a guy from the WB and other people you've never heard of, but when we find them, I'm going to torture them mercilessly. That movie cost several million to make. Think of how many starving millions could have been fed instead. Nono, they say... Jamie Kennedy needs a vehicle! Seriously... eat shit, Hollywood.
My favorite crappy movie trend is not sequels. It's not even Pixar-type ripoffs like Shark Tale, and Robots. But for the record, The Onion put it best when it said that comedy is not spending billions of dollars on animation just to score non-funny jokes about how robot/fish world is like our world. Give me 60 million dollars to animate, and I guarantee you I'll come up with a better joke than the Willsmithfish shopping at the GUP. Jesus Fucking H-Bomb Christ.
No, my favorite crappy movie trend is remakes of movies thirty or so years ago. It all started when Gus Van Sant did a shot-for-shot remake of Psycho. It tanked, so obviously other directors wanted a ticket on this sinking ship. They had a different dream, though: take movies that pretty much sucked back then, and put shitty contemporary actors in them. Change the script to make it more modern, and voila! Your movie sucks my balls. Let's look at a few:
Alfie
 Starring: Jude Law, Marisa Tomei
This movie was originally made in the 60's starring Michael Caine. Look, I know Michael Caine. Jude Law isn't even allowed to eat his ass. Jude Law is an obnoxious little twerp. If he were in college, he'd write shitty white blues with lyrics like "Make me run away with you" to try to get laid. Anyone who falls for his shit ought to be ashamed. So naturally when they make a movie about dumb bitches doing just that, I'm not going to like it. Michael Caine was charming, suave, and promised you the world. Jude Law promises you a Quarter Pounder and a back rub. The film asks "What's it all about?" I'll tell you, and save you the trouble. MONEY. Hollywood wanted you to think that Jude Law's character would learn the err of his ways, and learn that women are magical creatures to be respected. I have bad news: if you fall for this kind of tripe, you aren't magical. You deserve to be treated like toilet paper. Now go watch "Alias," get pissed at me for pointing out that a cute guy is a shitty actor, and move on.
Mr. Deeds
 Starring: Adam Sandler, Winona Ryder
Robert Wilonsky put it best when he said this about this movie: "What's next? Rob Schneider, Dana Carvey and Sarah Michelle Gellar in The Philadelphia Story? David Spade as Citizen Kane?" Although I don't think that Mr. Deeds Goes to Town was necessarily classic cinema (please note: old doesn't equal good), it was better than this, and Cary Grant deserved way better. Adam Sandler had one joke in 1997 that involved him playing a guitar and singing like a 4-year-old with a speech impediment. Years later, he's still here. This movie is basically a different take on the Alfie formula: it has dumbed down the original poinient film for today's sophomoric moviegoers, and then tacked on a moral at the end to appease the Christians. Except I don't think the Chrisitans asked for this movie. Jesus, we're sorry.
Ocean's Eleven
 Starring: People who are way cooler than you, fatty.
The original Ocean's Eleven: Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis. This one: George "ER" Clooney, Brad Pitt. I don't think that's much of a comparison. Look people, there are some movies that don't need to be remade. In fact, most of them don't. This one is the marquee example, though. NO ONE COMPARES TO THE RAT PACK. Got me? Frank Sinatra backed out on a gig in the South back in the day when they told him that they wouldn't let Sammy Davis sing with him. George Clooney cried and threatened to move to Canada when George W. Bush was elected. Fuck you, George Clooney. I hope you have disfiguring accident that makes you less good-looking. Then you'll see how people really are. Suddenly your ass ain't gettin' no more gigs. Then, as an afterthought, they went for the double whammy: Ocean's Twelve came out almost immediately afterward. And you monkeys went to see it. I swear to God, if I could get the production values of these people, I'd make an epic entitled Marc Wigim Poops In A Jacuzzi. If it does well (and you know it will, George Clooney will play me), I'm going to make Marc Wigim Poops In A Jacuzzi... Again. And you'll go and see that. Thirty years later, they'll turn it into a remake. I'm going to go get started on that. Which reminds me... it's time for lunch. | | Sunday, March 13th, 2005 | | 10:36 pm |
Always Believe.
In December me and a few friends ate at El Mariachi, the awesome Mexican restaurant on the Hill. As an afterthought, I threw a penny into the wishing fountain. Let the Panthers dance in the tournament, I wished.
That fountain rules.
Yes, for the first time in history, the Northern Iowa Panthers received an at-large bid the NCAA tournament, and are dancing for the third time in their history... second consecutive year, to boot. I extend a grudging congratulations to Iowa as well, as they pulled an impressive run in the Big Ten tournament together to seal a bid. Iowa State? Well, they're dancing too, but I fucking hate the Cyclones.
For the record, this same fountain was the one I wished in when I first started courting Ali. I love that fountain.
I wish good tidings to UNI and Iowa in the tournament. Iowa State can fuck off. This is the time for big things...
Marc's Order of Stuff He Loves:
- Family, Friends and Ali
- Panthers
- Everything else
Current Mood:  Overjoyed | | Thursday, March 10th, 2005 | | 2:56 pm |
Yes, State of Virginia, There Is A God... But it's probably not what you had in mind
 | You scored as agnosticism. You are an agnostic. You neither believe nor disbelieve in God. You don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof).
Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. Some say it is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe.
agnosticism | | 75% | Buddhism | | 71% | Islam | | 67% | Satanism | | 67% | Christianity | | 46% | Hinduism | | 46% | Judaism | | 42% | paganism | | 33% | atheism | | 0% | </td>
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com |
I get the feeling that this quiz is EXTREMELY biased towards agnosticism. That's not even CLOSE to what I believe. Agnosticism is something that people who seek attention believe in. They try to make you think through nihilism, and I find the practice inherrently flawed. More on this later... | | Monday, March 7th, 2005 | | 11:25 am |
NCAA Year In Review: The Year's Worst
 Third Place- Longwood Lancers (1-30 overall): One of the teams that graced Northern Iowa's schedule this year, and I'm still trying to figure out why. UNI played it's very worst that night, and still clobbered this team 84-63. It's one win this year was against lowly Howard, which ought to give you an idea of the overall "sheer might" of HBCU conferences (not that I'm a racist, mind you... but can we stop pretending that black colleges are good at sports?) Longwood is a Division II team essentially, and wanted DI status, so it went out and did it the old-fashioned way: it scheduled murderer's row. In addition to Northern Iowa, Illinois and Wake Forest among others showed up on this team's schedule. Yep, you guessed it: they lost those games. That's okay, this team has proven to me that any one can take a beating and still be standing. It's enough to make me want to pick a fight with our football team. If I'm bloody and comatose tomorrow, we have the Longwood Lancers to blame.
 Second Place- St. Bonaventure Bonnies (2-25 overall, 1-15 A10): Probably not one of the worst DI squads this year if you really want to get down to it, but the fact that this team is now officially paying for its sins of year's past is why it found its way into this awards ceremony. Actually, they did have an impressive resume, even without the violations. They gave up 111 points to Niagara (of the Metro-Atlantic Athletic Conference) on their own home court. In fact, this team really tried to win their cupcake games, scheduling a total of four MAAC opponents in their non-conference. They opened up the year getting shellacked 73-49 against Iona (of the MAAC), but for some reason held No. 5 Syracuse within 24 points. But they lost by 36... to Niagara... on their own home court. Their one conference win was against equally lame Rhode Island. At least they won it at home... I mean, they have to pay all 34 of their fans back after a 111-75 loss... to Niagara... on their own home court.
 The Winner- Savannah State Tigers (0-28 overall): History has its share of failures. The Edsel. Geraldo Rivera in Al Capone's vault. Pauly Shore. But none of those were truly set up to fail like these poor kids were.
Here's some history for you: Savannah State is a small HBCU (by the way, that stands for Historically Black College or University) in Georgia of about 2,500 students. A few years back administration forced a graduation to Divsion I on the athetlics department to try to improve its national profile. It did... sort of. This year SSU becomes the only the second team in 50 years of Division I basketball to go winless on the year. They did it in remarkable fashion, too... getting kicked around by an average margin of defeat that neared 23 points... mostly to the wieners of the MEAC and SWAC. SSU has decided to re-organize its athetlic department in lieu of this debacle, and in the process eliminated men's tennis and women's bowling (for shame). What kind of a monster eliminates women's bowling? Either way, there are many in Savannah, Georgia who want to blame someone for this. It's not just the men's basketball team that has fallen hard... their football team went 2-9 last season, and their women's b-ball team is almost as bad (but to their credit, they won some games). Their baseball coach is suing for discriminatory practices (he's white). Basically, SSU's athletic department is a model for everyone. Whatever they do... do the opposite. | | Friday, March 4th, 2005 | | 12:16 pm |
The Most Despicable Things In Sports
 The New York Yankees
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Someday the Yankees are going to look around and find that people stopped putting up with their shennanigans a long time ago. People love a winner, sometimes at whatever means necessary. The operative word there is winner, which is something the Yankees have forgotten how to do. Oh sure, 102-60 records year in and year out sure do look pretty, but the fact remains: they spend hundreds of millions of dollars to put together a winner, and then at some point forgot that you have to win first. They thought they had their simpleton, puny rivals The Boston Red Sox down for the count in the 2004 ALCS. They basically threw mud, stoned them, and spit on them. They laughed. Then, in a fit of pure malice, rage, fury, and determination, The Sox got back up and threw a haymaker that knocked the Yankees out could. They blew a 3-0 series lead, and became the first team in baseball history to do so. Oh, and this year... they asked the 50-112 Tampa Bay Devil Rays to forfeit a game because the D-Rays were late arriving. Because of Hurricane Frances. But isn't it great to be a Yankee?
 The University of Iowa Hawkeyes Men's Basketball Team since the 1999-2000 season
I was once a believer in purity. I loved the University of Iowa once. I thought they could do no wrong. Then they hired Steve Alford. It took a while to have the full ramifications set in, but they did around the time of the 2001 season, when Pierre Pierce joined the team. The guy was trouble from the get-go, and finally his true colors showed when he committed a heinous crime against a young woman on the women's basketball team (who was the girlfriend of fellow teammate Glen Worley, for the record). Alford, ever the moralist, got his player off on a technicality, and Pierce played on. Suddenly, however, Carver Hawkeye Arena was getting more and more empty. There were still those who played the fiddle while Rome burned, and continued to blindly support an empty shell of a program that had sold its soul. For what, you ask? An unlikely bid to the NCAA tournament in 2001 via the Big Ten tournament. Pierre Pierce went and did it again earlier this year (the same charge... sexual assault. The same girl, too), and the Hawkeyes will miss the NCAAs again. Alford, in the meantime is still a prick. Pierce is gone, but as long as Alford is around, this team will continue to be the bane of my existence. A lot of people have started returning to the games because Pierce is gone. Fools. There will be another Pierre Pierce soon enough, but in the meantime you enjoy being a part of one the worst fanbases in all of college basketball.
 The Colorado Buffaloes
Gary Barnett and his coaching staff. Enough said. Oh, wait, not quite. Rape, rape, rape, more rape, lies to cover up the rape, a do-nothing athletic department which lets some shit slide... and then not surprsingly, more rape. Even Alford has his limits. | | Monday, February 14th, 2005 | | 10:00 pm |
The Politics of It All
Okay, so after repeated requests from people to both further and cease my innane attempt at non-sequitur humor by exploiting Mega Man, my childhood hero, I have decided to stop. While the two camps will both be acknowledged, there were too many requests by people that it was taking too long to read, and taking up space. While I admit it was lengthy, it's not anymore time-consuming to sit down, log in, and read about how your dog had to go to the vet, or how much you love your hunny bunny, or whatever stupid shit you have going on. Not that I'm judging or anything *whistle*. Anyway... onto business. If I wasn't already bitter about the Mega Man thing, this might not mean as much. The bottom line remains, however: I'm pissed off, and I'm not really sure why.
It all started when I had a conversation with Tab about the state of affairs in the School of Music. We are like the Iowa Hawkeye Marching Band: we suck, and we have somehow convinced ourselves that we are in fact the shit. Dr. Funderburk has believed this for a long time (and apparently it wasn't always this way, he says), and I'm beginning to see the light. It all started when I was FUCKED in my large ensemble placement audtition. Not so much because I didn't get into Wind Symphony... seriously, let me level with you people: if your identity and ego are wrapped up in what chair or what part or what ensemble you are in that much... you need to reevaluate your philosophy both as a musician and as a future teacher, whether you're Performance or not. I certainly will not send my child to you for lessons. No, rather I was irritated by the fact that I had to leave from Chicago a day early, I had to pay an extra 40 dollars for a bus ticket to get my tuba on the Greyhound bus that took me out there so I could practice, all so I could be prepared for my audition. Fat lot of good it did me. I was placed in what lesser idiots refer to as the "lowest ensemble:" the Symphonic Band. While that is highly debatable based on the last few performances of the Wind Symphony (they have all sucked ass), that's not even the problem. The problem is that if the UNI Ensemble Division is going to stress being a professional that much on me, then why don't they follow their own fucking advice?
Allow me to elaborate. Dr. Funderburk told me a week after my audition that while my audition was very impressive, they were not going to place me in Wind Symphony because they were concerned about my time issues. So my question to Jack "the dirty hippy" Graham is this: "Why have me audition?" He based my placement on his assessment of my abilities from last semester, and not on the fact that I had been working and busting my ass over Winter Break. How's THAT for professional?
It gets better. Trevis was like me: also relegated to the Symphonic Band, until Dr. Funderburk and Dr. Graham (with Dr. Chesnutt's approval, which is dissapointing, but only slightly) conspired to place him in Wind Symphony so he could participate in Dr. Funderburk's stupid quartet of tubas and euphoniums which much like everything else around here, falls short. Again:
WHY AUDITION?
Dr. Graham was also complaining to Dr. Chesnutt at some point about how he needs better players for the Wind Symphony. According to Tab, this mystified Dr. Chesnutt. "Where is he going to get these so-called 'better performers?'" Is what Dr. Chesnutt told Tab sometime later. "He needs to work with the ones he has. Instead, he bumps me out of Wind Symphony (who toured in Italy last year) and traded my time issues for a snotty, know-it-all, hasn't-graduated-high-school sophomore who blats and honks his way through all things fortissimo and has lousy pitch and interpretation. I hope you have fun with that one, you damned dirty hippy.
Looks like I'll be in Symphonic Band for a long time to come. You know what? Bring it on. I'm much happier being conducted by a man who at least puts this bullshit politicking behind him long enough to make music sometimes. So you just remember the next time you make fun of the marching band, or blast a non-major in the non-audition band... you are somehow worse than anyone involved in those ensembles. They try and they have fun, and you're just trying to show everyone how fucking great you are. Not ironically, you fall further and further behind everyone else.
Sad, isn't it? Current Mood:  kinda mad |
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